i am a bad coworker & a bad girlfriend, an all-around horrible person

i'm also bad at punctuation...

so i started this blog to entertain you jin, hopefully you're not too disappointed and it lasts more than a few posts...

I've started being more and more honest and blunt with my communications. This should be a good thing, however I found that when dealing with coworkers, they tend to appreciate the "no, I don't think I'll go with you to your bachelorette party tonight because I don't feel like it" way less than the "Sorry, I already have plans" response.

So now I feel that being honest has made them more unhappy with me than if I'd made up some crazy story about my friend bleeding in a bathtub and me having to go rescue her. This all kinda sucks, but I guess it goes to show that if they were people that I felt appreciated being genuine with their communications, then I wouldn't feel like such a horrible coworker.

I have nothing insightful to say.

I'm in a really weird mood, and I do actually feel like a terrible coworker/friend social person.

I guess that comes when you first move somewhere and you're used to always having to be social because you don't have any friends and you need to take every opportunity possible to meet people because only one out of every 100 people you communicate with you'll actually speak to again. Maybe less than that... either way, you can't miss opportunities for connections. Once you start feeling comfortable and like you don't have to continue running, you're kinda like "wow, I don't need to seek you people out and I'm going to do what I feel like doing"-and it feels awesome. Of course, it should have been like that from the begining I suppose, had I felt comfortable being alone in Portland and just waiting to meet people, that doesn't usually work out too too well though.

This is all great and dandy, so now I'm just in a "wow, I'm going to do what I want and be totally honest with all of you (which is how it should be anyway)" state, but from the looks and the energy I got from these people I feel like all would be a lot better had I lied about the whole thing...bleh...

So then I was in a super communicating openly mode & was really cool and told my boyfriend exactly what I needed him to do and was super prying and then asked him what he wanted by giving him options and then told him that the only one that worked was the one he didn't pick. So now I'm just being a stupid stupid girl. I guess we all act like this sometimes, but it's no excuse & I hate it when I act like that. Now I just want to call him and say "sorry for being a stupid girl" but I think that'll be even stupider, so I'll wait for tomorrow.

Anyways, I'm a bad coworker/girlfriend/person and you all should be glad you don't work with me and you're not dating me, unless you do work with me or you are dating me, in which case this probably wasn't the best thing for you to read.