A lot of what I learned I actually already knew, like how good meditating is for me and that I need to keep up with it regardless of whatever my life situation is, especially when it's a tough situation.
I feel extremely grounded now and because my silence was only half-time (I still talked to my clients at work, people at the grocery store, and with people involved with graduate school admissions), I feel like I will be able to transition this into everyday life smoothly.
I would like to write a great deal more about the things that I learned during the past week, however I can't seem to put them into words & find that using more words would take away from the point.
I do want to mention a mantra I use frequently during meditation however, because it is awesome.
Very early in the week, probably my second or third time sitting I was having an extremely difficult time concentrating (as I did the times before this one), and finally I realized that I needed a mantra to help me focus. I began asking for a mantra and searching through memories of yoga classes, the monastery, and books I've read to try and find one that I could use. I've heard and used many mantras before, however, none came to mind and just as I was getting especially frustrated "Sat Nam" came into my head. The funny thing is, I don't remember ever hearing this mantra before, I had no clue what it meant, but for some reason it stuck in my head. I started repeating it, but then got a little worried about not knowing what I was saying, what if I was repeating something negative and not knowing it? I tried to clear the mantra from my mind, but it kept popping back up.
Later I searched the internet for the meaning of Sat Nam, and found that's actually a commonly used mantra, meaning "I am truth" or "truth is my essence," and that I was actually pronouncing it correctly in my mind. I took this as a sign that I should use this phrase frequently in mediation and proceeded to do so.
I've noticed some incredible things while using this mantra. First off, it's a little bit different each time I use it, as each mediation is always a little bit (or a lot) different from the last, the mantra works the same way. One thing that it usually does though, is it activates energy flowing up through my spine, when I inhale and think "Sat" it pulls energy up to the crown of my head, and then with the exhale "Nam" it either pours the energy down the front of my chest back into my spine, or it pours the energy all over my body with an umbrella-type effect. There's always a rhythm to this and it often feels like ocean waves going through me and at the same time I am the ocean waves. That sensation is incredible. Also, sometimes it will concentrate the energy down at my root chakra, which is intense and grounding.
During one meditation I began to feel a strange itchy-burning sensation in the middle of my forehead, at my third eye. This was fine until it started to feel like there were bugs burrowing into my head and I began to wonder if there really was something chiseling away at my forehead. It was driving me crazy, but for some reason I didn't move and just thought to myself "well, if there is a bug digging there, at least it's right on my third eye and it'll leave a cool mark that I can tell an interesting story about" (which really doesn't match with the "non-ego" of meditation, but oh well). Regardless, I found there were no bugs and the sensation lessened to a mild buzzing. This buzzing/spinning sensation in my forehead has been with me on and off for about three days now & I've come to the conclusion that it's my sixth chakra opening up a bit-which is exciting & tends to happen sometimes when working profusely on the first chakra.
Also while sitting & focusing on this mantra, sometimes I'll see flashes of dark purple behind my eyelids while my eyes are closed. Sometimes the flashes stick around and form blobs of color that float or change shape. One time they just kept getting bigger and bigger until I felt surrounded by them, and surrounded by a presence. It was slightly overwhelming, so I said "hello" out loud, which was interesting.
So, enough about Sat Nam, it's awesome, and I will continue to meditate frequently. I'm very grateful for my past week's experiences. I also want to take this moment to recognize that I have unbelievably incredible friends. Not very many people can call up their friends and say "hello, I'm about to go into silence, so I won't be talking to you for I don't know how long" and have their friends happily say "ok" and then support them through it. So thank you to all my wonderful friends, I feel very loved, and below is a T-shirt for you:
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