the angry baby goat

I learned a lot from a lot of trying to think about nothing...

2009-01-11T19:59:00.000-08:00

A lot of what I learned I actually already knew, like how good meditating is for me and that I need to keep up with it regardless of whatever my life situation is, especially when it's a tough situation.

I feel extremely grounded now and because my silence was only half-time (I still talked to my clients at work, people at the grocery store, and with people involved with graduate school admissions), I feel like I will be able to transition this into everyday life smoothly.

I would like to write a great deal more about the things that I learned during the past week, however I can't seem to put them into words & find that using more words would take away from the point.

I do want to mention a mantra I use frequently during meditation however, because it is awesome.

Very early in the week, probably my second or third time sitting I was having an extremely difficult time concentrating (as I did the times before this one), and finally I realized that I needed a mantra to help me focus. I began asking for a mantra and searching through memories of yoga classes, the monastery, and books I've read to try and find one that I could use. I've heard and used many mantras before, however, none came to mind and just as I was getting especially frustrated "Sat Nam" came into my head. The funny thing is, I don't remember ever hearing this mantra before, I had no clue what it meant, but for some reason it stuck in my head. I started repeating it, but then got a little worried about not knowing what I was saying, what if I was repeating something negative and not knowing it? I tried to clear the mantra from my mind, but it kept popping back up.

Later I searched the internet for the meaning of Sat Nam, and found that's actually a commonly used mantra, meaning "I am truth" or "truth is my essence," and that I was actually pronouncing it correctly in my mind. I took this as a sign that I should use this phrase frequently in mediation and proceeded to do so.

I've noticed some incredible things while using this mantra. First off, it's a little bit different each time I use it, as each mediation is always a little bit (or a lot) different from the last, the mantra works the same way. One thing that it usually does though, is it activates energy flowing up through my spine, when I inhale and think "Sat" it pulls energy up to the crown of my head, and then with the exhale "Nam" it either pours the energy down the front of my chest back into my spine, or it pours the energy all over my body with an umbrella-type effect. There's always a rhythm to this and it often feels like ocean waves going through me and at the same time I am the ocean waves. That sensation is incredible. Also, sometimes it will concentrate the energy down at my root chakra, which is intense and grounding.

During one meditation I began to feel a strange itchy-burning sensation in the middle of my forehead, at my third eye. This was fine until it started to feel like there were bugs burrowing into my head and I began to wonder if there really was something chiseling away at my forehead. It was driving me crazy, but for some reason I didn't move and just thought to myself "well, if there is a bug digging there, at least it's right on my third eye and it'll leave a cool mark that I can tell an interesting story about" (which really doesn't match with the "non-ego" of meditation, but oh well). Regardless, I found there were no bugs and the sensation lessened to a mild buzzing. This buzzing/spinning sensation in my forehead has been with me on and off for about three days now & I've come to the conclusion that it's my sixth chakra opening up a bit-which is exciting & tends to happen sometimes when working profusely on the first chakra.

Also while sitting & focusing on this mantra, sometimes I'll see flashes of dark purple behind my eyelids while my eyes are closed. Sometimes the flashes stick around and form blobs of color that float or change shape. One time they just kept getting bigger and bigger until I felt surrounded by them, and surrounded by a presence. It was slightly overwhelming, so I said "hello" out loud, which was interesting.

So, enough about Sat Nam, it's awesome, and I will continue to meditate frequently. I'm very grateful for my past week's experiences. I also want to take this moment to recognize that I have unbelievably incredible friends. Not very many people can call up their friends and say "hello, I'm about to go into silence, so I won't be talking to you for I don't know how long" and have their friends happily say "ok" and then support them through it. So thank you to all my wonderful friends, I feel very loved, and below is a T-shirt for you:

Can we move on yet?

2009-01-01T21:08:00.000-08:00

Uh, no, not really. So, getting to the second chakra has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. This is partly because I know I have so much to work on in the second chakra & so I've been thinking about how I would begin to examine it in a short month's time. Of course this means I never actually starting to work on it. The delay also has to do with the fact that I still need to work on my first chakra. A number of things happened in the past few months that stirred up my life and made me much less grounded than I normally am.

I must admit, I think I did an excellent job working on the root chakra during the month of August, however a number of things have changed since then. The major change is my living situation, or lack of a place to live all together. This is a good thing however, because the energy of my past living situation turned awful. Once your living situation gets uncomfortable it's extremely hard to remain grounded, as that's one of the key ingredients to grounding--- your space & how comfortable you are in it. I also found that I wasn't meditating because I couldn't stand to be in that space. Therefore, I noticed myself becoming very ungrounded and made the change to move out-which is much much better than staying there, no matter what the future circumstances are. The only problem is that I didn't have a place to go, yes I have a number of friends that I can stay with, however, having your own space and not having to move around a great deal is very important for grounding (unless you're on vacation of course).

A number of other things happened during this time (including not being able to find work), however everything is starting to come together now, which is lovely. I still feel very scattered though, and find the state that I'm in now fascinating because I never would have predicted it, or imagined myself like this. It's an excellent learning experience, and now I'm going about "fixing" everything & going back to my first chakra for the month of January- or at least the first part of the month of January, who knows how long it will be, I've learned that you can't put a time frame on these things. (I must admit also though, that I am disappointed in myself for letting it get like this, not the circumstances I came across, but stopping the meditation and self-discovery. I do however, realize that it's all a learning experience, which is why I'm taking these actions now.)

In order to get my grounding back and figure out what on earth is going on, I'm going to take a few moments to put some things back in order. First off, I'll be meditating regularly twice a day, everyday (which I've already started and it is wonderful). I'm also going to do a cleanse for my body, and go into silence (except at work) for my mind/emotions. We'll start with that and I'll go from there...

I've discovered that I'm not bad at making huge changes to my life. I have no problem moving out of my house without having a definite place to live, not eating solid food for 21 days, going to a Zen Monastery and not talking and meditating for hours for a month. However, when it comes to little things, I'm a total wuss. I find it very difficult to modify my diet slightly, make the time to meditate everyday for just 10 minutes, stop talking to someone I love for just one day, maybe even just that afternoon, etc. So I guess one of my main goals at the moment is to try and incorporate doing "little things" (which aren't really that little, because they're much much harder to do than the big things) into my regular life.

I came to realize that I often crave going on retreats where I can be alone and figure stuff out, outside of my normal life. There were times when I was in college when I would just drive to a hotel and stay there for the night or a weekend, just so I could have this sort of "away from everything" time. I've been wanting to go to India a lot recently to figure things out, and yes, I really want to do this sometime soon, however I came to a realization the other day that a lot of the time recently (and other times when I'm stressed) I just want to run off to a spiritual retreat of sorts and sort things out before I come back to real life. I get terribly jealous when I hear or read about people that are studying in Ashrams, going on journeys all over the world, and even those that are just doing a weekend solo camping trip. For me, this retreat would be optimal to do in an Ashram where there were set times for me to eat, sleep, meditate, do yoga, and clean-that way I wouldn't have to think of this everyday life stuff then. Yes, I'm sure I would have many awesome realizations and come to know myself better. The time I spent at the Monastery in Vancouver was by far one of the most spiritually, emotionally, mentally & physically impactful times of my life. It changed my life completely, mainly because I learned to meditate there and it changed my thinking. Quite frankly I never would have been able to figure out the things I'm writing about in this blog post today if I hadn't done that.

However, the thing I realized is that I'm already here. I don't need to go anywhere, I shouldn't go anywhere. I need to learn to practice meditation in everyday life. I need to be able to incorporate my spiritual practice into everyday life and not ignore my blog about my own self-discovery for 3 months. I need to be able to make little changes and find peace in everything everyday. That's what we meditate for anyway. I am here right now and this is when I need to do this-not once I'm settled into a new place to live, or when I know which grad school I'm going to, or when I have a better job-right now is when I need this stuff the most.

So, yes, I'm still going to do the cleansing/meditating for long hours/silent period of time right now to start it off. The cleansing won't be extreme, the meditating will start out more extreme than it will end up in the future, but it will be here regardless of who's house I'm staying at, the silence will not be total silence-I will still have to go to work and talk to clients as well as take care of school and apartment-hunting tasks. So I will modify my "retreat" that I'm craving so much to fit in the space I'm in right now-I don't need to run away. I do feel I need the short "retreat"-then I will slowly begin to start talking more, and meditating less (it will still be everyday, because I know I need that), and my cleanse will be over. This will transition me into my new everyday "simple" habits, without me leaving my life stuff behind, even during my "retreat."

So that's the plan.

First chakra continuing education

2008-09-04T22:21:00.001-07:00

The only way to make a permanent shift in your chakras is to practice working with them. When you do a chakra exercise it can bring you an experience & a temporary change, but in order to change your life and your functioning a little more is required. Things you can do to balance your first chakra on a regular basis aren't hard and some of them are actually pretty fun.

There are tons of grounding/first chakra exercises you can do, such as simply reading about it, doing a cleanse, going outside and lying on the ground, visualization exercises, cleaning your house, and pretty much anything that puts you in your body (feeling that you are present & feeling what your body feels like in the moment).

For me, some of the continuing practices I'm doing include:

Mediation -meditation practice is one of the most fundamental grounding exercises, also all your other chakras gain energy from meditation so it's a great thing to continue (and also I think the most important grounding exercise, if I had to just pick one, this would be it) -meditation brings presence into your day all day long
Getting a bike and biking everywhere possible -this brings you closer to the environment, puts you in your body & makes you healthier, and makes you have to know where you're going
Avoiding using TomTom (my GPS system) as much as possible- it helps me know the area I live in and be present
Learning more about Portland & current events (local, environmental, political)
Yoga
Exercising
Listening to my body
Cooking delicious new meals
Being outside (going new places to hike/hiking alone)
Practicing presence (focusing on the person talking, when you eat you should be eating, not doing something else in addition to that, when you drive you should be driving, not paying attention to the cd you're listening to or a person on the cell phone-just giving all your attention to what you're doing at that moment)
Energetic grounding exercises (setting up energetic boundaries between me and the other people I'm around, not being effected by their state of mind, not taking on negative emotions or pain from people I give massages to-I personally send energy down through my feet to ground myself, sometimes I picture tree roots going into the earth, sometimes I picture/feel the color red, sometimes I surround myself with a white energy "egg" that keeps me separate, sometimes I pray for help with it, sometimes I visualize an anchor going down into the ground, sometimes I just think of my first chakra and it activates it---everyone does something different, play around with different things and see what works for you, lots of people use their breath)
Being aware of your misconceptions and working through them

Building up your first chakra helps with growth in all your other chakras, it's an important place to start. Strengthening your root chakra will give you a greater sense of presence, get you to notice little things in the moment, help you accomplish more on the physical plane, and will help you manifest what you want. (Be careful with the manifestation thing though, when you're really grounded you start to manifest what you think about the most, so be sure that you're thinking of things you would like to happen, rather than worrying about things you wouldn't.) You will also discover that you're a lot happier everyday when you're present and grounded, you start to enjoy life a lot more and get happy for no reason what so ever.

Misconceptions

2008-09-02T22:59:00.000-07:00

Everyone is born into a family, or tribal system that raises them. Your family raises you to the best of their ability, which includes what they believe is best for you, and emerges you in their value/belief systems before you even know how to talk. This includes superstitions, misconceptions, and expectations that many people don't question if they even agree with before they go about living their lives by these rules and in many cases passing them onto their children as well.

Your first chakra and how you live your life is effected by this, so it's a good idea to take a look at what misconceptions you were brought up with. You may be spending a lot of time stressing over something that you don't believe to be true, yet you were raised this way and it may even be causing you a great deal of anxiety, possibly limiting your potential.

As far as superstitions go for me, I can't really think of any right now that I would like to work on. I remember I used to not step on cracks sometimes on the way to the bus stop when I was younger, but it was more of a hopping game than a "my mom's back might break" game.I do, however, have plenty of misconceptions to work out.

I always used to think I should be married by the time I was a certain age (this age started out as 25, then was 28 or so, then was 30) or I was going to be alone forever. This fear made me depressed sometimes, and also kept me from being single most of the time. I don't regret any of the relationships I was in and feel like I learned a lot from them, however, I think it would have been a great learning experience for me to be single for more than a month sometime between the ages of 17 and 27. I've learned a lot about myself from being single the majority of the past year, and I don't feel the same way about marriage(or a life partnership) anymore. Sometimes I do feel like I would really love to settle down now and move into a different experience as far as living with someone goes, and I do think I'm ready to do that at the moment, but I don't have a timeline in the back of my head like I did before. It is something I need to continue to work on, however.
Having kids- I think my thoughts on having kids are healthy, so I don't need to work on that at the moment, but they weren't always like this & I think it's interesting. I grew up thinking, "when I have kids, blahblahblah," because that's just what you do. You grow up, you get married, you have kids-horray! It wasn't until I went to my yoga teacher training that I really thought about why I wanted to have kids. There are so many unhealthy reasons why people have kids: -Because that's what you do, you get married and have kids -Our marriage kinda sucks, so kids will bring us closer together -We're bored -I really need to take care of something so I can feel good about myself -I really hate how that person over there is raising their child and I can do it better -All my friends have kids, and cool stories to tell about them and pictures (they sure are cute!) -I wasn't good at sports but my child will be -I really need to be remembered -It's my responsibility to pass the family genes along -I need someone that will have to love me back, and if they don't at least they're dependent on me -etc. I just find it really interesting that I didn't even question myself until this point was brought up in class. I did start out with the "of course I'll have kids, that's what everyone does" mentality when I was younger and didn't really comprehend what all that entailed. When I figured out what all it entailed, I still didn't consciously question it, which is a great example of how I wasn't aware that how I was raised could have easily dictated whether I had kids or not, without me thinking much about it at all! (don't worry-I'm never getting these stick figure car decals)
I'm terrified of getting divorced, this comes from a combination of how I was brought up (meaning, you just don't get divorced, once you're married you're married and that's it-which did also effect my fear of settling for someone in a relationship), and then my parents actually getting divorced. One of the things my dad said when he told me he was divorcing my mom was that when he met her he knew that they would get married, she was the one and they would be together for the rest of their lives. I don't really remember the rest of that conversation full of all the "reasons" he was divorcing my mom, because that line really scared me (especially since to me, never hearing my parents fight, he just all the sudden without warning up and left to be with someone else). I've been working on this one for awhile now, and I know it's effected my relationships. I do have a much healthier perspective of marriage/divorce/my parent's situation now and I'm definitely not effected by it now how I was before, but still something to work on.
How much money I need to make and always having to accomplish something are also good learning experiences for me. I was brought up with the very realistic idea that I needed to make $200,000 per year (that number came from my head sometime in elementary school, not someone else's, but the idea that I needed to make a whole whole lot of money came from my Dad and the culture I was brought up in). I was around money a lot and raised to believe that if you're not accomplishing something (money/success oriented) you were completely lazy and you need to work harder. So, what I did with that was a mixture of following my passions/having fun and trying to make a whole lot of money at the same time, without breaking any of my core values. Therefore, for the past 10 years or so I've been the hardest working least paid person I know, totally burning out my adrenal glands, not taking care of myself. I think part of this is really great. I love the work ethic that I was brought up with, but somehow it didn't work out in a healthy way. I love that I was working really hard and doing things that I loved, but it was really bad to not know what to do with myself if I had an extra hour in the day and I didn't have to eat my food and change my clothes in the car while driving on the way to my next job. I definitely have a perfectionist complex when it comes to work, and at times I've felt really guilty for having an afternoon when I wasn't working. I'm of course working on this (moving to Portland and doing more things for my health and myself have helped a lot) and I think this may be one of the more difficult ones for me to get over...
I also have a misconception about what I should look like, physically, but I've already addressed that & am working on it.
My grandparents from both sides of the family are a little racist, not terribly so, and they're getting better at not saying things around the grandchildren along those lines because they know we don't like it. I had a huge fight with them (and a couple of them leading up to the huge one) when I was dating Bryan & I actually think that helped a lot. So, I don't think I'm extremely influenced by that (my parents don't hold the same views as my grandparents, which helped in that not influencing me). I do have some generalizations/misconceptions about certain groups though: I don't like New Jersey, Florida, or Texas very much, when people say they're from one of these states sometimes I'm like "eh." I obviously don't say that out loud and I don't use it against them or refuse to talk to them, sometimes I'll think "wow, this person is pretty cool for being from New Jersey" but it is a thought that goes through my head sometimes. The stereotype for NJ and FL comes from experiences I've had there, and for Texas, just from the super conservative stereotype (which is silly because Austin is extremely liberal). I also get stereotypical thoughts in mind with people who say they're super conservative. I went around saying I was conservative for a little while and people didn't stereotype me, and so I'm a super hypocrite (besides the fact that I'm not educated enough in all the political issues and I get along with most people regardless of what their political standpoint is). I have the generalization that vegans aren't very healthy, but they could actually be eating the food that makes them feel the best, in which case I should be using some of them as healthy examples. There are many more generalizations that I have, and I've been really focusing on trying not to generalize, because it's a really crappy thing to do. Being present is actually one of the best ways I've found to deal with this, because you're always focusing on the person and not up in your head-which is how interactions with people always should be regardless.
Religious beliefs are a major influence on you when you're growing up. I was brought up Catholic. My spiritual beliefs don't seem to come from Catholicism, however, if I wasn't brought up Catholic, who knows if I would have questioned my beliefs so much and figured out where I stand?

I'm sure there are many more things that I'll discover and add to this list in the future. It's impossible to not be influenced by your tribe, and their influence is huge. Looking into what you have to work with is a great learning experience, and really interesting to change (if you want to change parts of it of course) because it changes your life completely.

Living & Working

2008-08-28T19:43:00.000-07:00

I think it's pretty much safe to say I've been participating in a huge first chakra re-wiring since I've moved to Portland.

I've always taken things for granted like knowing where the mall is, where I can get a quick healthy meal, & having a place to live, or at least having my mom's place relatively close by so I know if I don't have a place to live all of the sudden I have somewhere to go. Being in a new place with a very different culture and trying to make that work smoothly (with all the other life stuff going on like breaking up with my boyfriend with no support group of friends nearby) is pretty interesting & I've become a much stronger and more grounded person because of it.

I sometimes get this strange feeling of "oh crap, if I die no one will know for two weeks" and "wow, I'm all alone in this place and really all there really is is me, so I better be damn happy with myself cause that's the only person here I truly know, or really anywhere for that matter." It's totally different than being on vacation, which I've done alone a bit. Vacation is a break from life with little worries and responsibilities, but moving and starting your life somewhere completely different is reality and you don't have anything comfortable and safe to go back to.

This may seem like an easy thing for some people to do, people move all the time, however it was huge for me. I'm a very social person with the people I know and I depend on my friend's support a lot. I'm a big believer in that it doesn't really matter where you are, it matters what you do and who you're sharing it with. Moving to Portland without knowing anyone took me way out of my comfort zone and helped me get to know myself a lot better. This was definitely one of the best learning experiences I've had so far and it changed me in a lot of ways. I've gotten used to the fact that everything changes all the time, well, more used to that fact-it's still hard when it does sometimes, but I feel like I'm much better at adapting to change.As far as my living situation goes, I love it. Portland is awesome & is perfect for me at the moment (it's not too big-it has a small town mentality, but it's also a city, it's very liberal, it's very holistic, it has great energy, the weather is awesome, there are beautiful mountains around, the beach is nearby, it's bike friendly & has great public transportation, it's environmentally progressive, it's into local healthy produce stuff and sustainability (if you're going to be anywhere in 2012 when the world starts to end, this is a great place to be), people look you in the eye when they talk to you, it's friendly, there's a great music scene, there's good beer, the plants and trees that grow here are incredible, etc.).

It's really crazy for me to not be able to afford whatever I want to buy right now. I typically don't overspend and I'm pretty good with money management, so I was used to being able to buy whatever I wanted to in Virginia. I was also used to knowing I would get a paycheck & being able to find plenty of private massage clients or picking something else up quickly that would pay me (with my connections to people). I was able to go out to eat everyday, buy lots of gifts for people, pay other people's rent if they couldn't, and fly to Houston for one night if I wanted to the next day. Now I'm trying to figure out how to pay my rent and if I can afford a rain jacket. Needless to say this is all very humbling and gets me to look at my lifestyle and what's important to me, I've made a lot of changes in this aspect and I also think it's good to have an experience when I'm struggling a bit. I've learned to appreciate somethings more and it's interesting because it was always so weird to me when I heard people talking about how they couldn't afford to go out to eat or couldn't afford the gas to go somewhere, now that's not so foreign anymore.

Obviously, at the moment, my work doesn't provide a good foundation for me in this aspect. My job satisfaction and relating to my livelihood would be great if there was work there right now, there just aren't people coming in to get massages, therefore I don't have any work. I'm currently working on remedying this situation. I love giving massages, but there are none to give, and quite honestly I feel like I'm not helping people enough by giving them massages (this second statement I'll address more in a few days with my second chakra stuff).

I put in my notice the other day at Elements, where I was renting a room for massage. I started to really not like the work environment there, I just got a strange energetic feeling from it and although my coworkers were nice, I didn't feel like I fit in there. It was also too far of a drive for someone living in Portland and I wasn't getting business (which may have something to do with not feeling like I fit in there). Quiting jobs is actually way more difficult for me than getting them, I don't like feeling like I let people down and I typically have way too much loyalty to the places I work, even when it's not benefiting me to work there any longer. Although I know it's better for me, of course it's uncomfortable and so it's tough. However, it is an awesome learning experience.

So, still working on the job thing, but it's going in the right direction, and I'm learning a lot-horray!

The black widow is ready to be contained!

2008-08-24T21:52:00.000-07:00

Our Black Widow Porter is now ready to be bottled. There are still a few steps left to complete the brewing, but it's almost ready to drink!

Our beer is now giving off one CO2 bubble about every 90 seconds, signifying that the yeast have been happily fermenting the beer and have converted about 99% of the sugar in the mixture into alcohol. They're starting to calm down because there's hardly any sugar left. This means that the beer is safe to put into bottles. If we put the beer into the bottles too soon the yeast will still ferment the beer, which will release CO2 that has no where to go and cause the bottles to explode.

The set up is much less complicated this time, but just as important.First everything has to be sanitized of course. All the cleaning involved makes this a great first chakra exercise. We sanitized all the equipment we needed, the bottles, and boiled the bottle caps to sanitize them as well.

We also prepped the last ingredient we need to add to the beer before it's finished, a little bit of sugar water. This small amount of sugar is added to the beer just before bottling so the yeast can carbonate the beer while it's in the bottle, we won't fill the bottles up too high, to avoid bursting them when this happens.

We started by transferring the beer into a bucket to filter out the left over sediment from the fermentation process. We also put the sugar mixture at the bottom of the tub so the beer mixed evenly with it. To do this we had to get the beer to flow through a siphon from the original container down to the bucket. This is when I got to taste the beer-because you need to create suction first, so the beer can flow up before it goes down into the bucket. Very yummy, I will definitely like this beer!

After racking the beer into the bucket (and leaving behind a bunch of gooey sediment), we lined the beer bottles up into old kitty litter containers to catch any beer that would spill over in the bottling process. We then siphoned the beer from the tub to the bottles, moving very quickly-the beer comes out fast!

Then all we had to do was clean off the bottles, cap them(see my super strong arm muscles!), and label the caps. I personally labeled each cap with a very artistically done cartoon spider, we wouldn't want to mix this beer up with an IPA or some other hoppy beer, how disappointing would that be?
Now it'll only be a week or two before the beer is officially ready to drink. We could drink it now, however it will taste much better once it's carbonated and mellowed out a bit. Oh, and we did test the specific gravity once more, this time getting extremely close to what we were shooting for from the recipe book! Horray, we are awesome brew masters!

Your body is what you use to do everything you do

2008-08-23T21:18:00.000-07:00

Therefore, when looking at your first chakra, which deals with your physical body more than any of the other chakras, you need to look at how you're treating your body. Your energetic system needs your body in order to function, just like you need your brain in order to have thoughts. If you're not physically here, it's hard for you to get things done, and if you're functioning without being present in your body, you'll still get things done, but it's a lot harder to do so.

Yoga is an excellent way to energetically tone your body (it's also a great way to build strength, flexibility, balance, and mind/body connection). The traditional yoga asanas (or poses) were created by monks as a way to prepare the body for mediation. Each asana directs the energy flow of your body in different ways, balancing out the chakras, strengthening them, removing energetic blockages, toning your chakras and your body so that energy flows most efficiently through you. Regular yoga practice using various asanas is beneficial on many levels (I recommend looking at this link). If you ever feel like you're out of your body, go to a yoga class or practice a pose or two on your own. A few of the many yoga asanas that are particularly good for the first chakra and grounding:

Padmasana-Lotus Pose
Tadasana- Mountain Pose
Baddha Konasana-Bound Angle
Utkatasana- Chair Pose
Virabhadasana 1,2,3- Warrior 1, Warrior 2, and Warrior 3
Any Balancing pose (Vrikshasana-Tree, Garudasana-Eagle, Ardha Chandrasana-Half Moon, etc.)
Bikram Yoga Series

What you eat and how you eat effects how well you function. I know this sounds like a silly thing to mention, but so many people don't realize that what they eat is actually effecting their health. The cells in your body need nutrients to function, the only way they get those nutrients is from what you feed them, and they then go about fueling your body and creating new cells with whatever it is that you gave them. Therefore, paying attention to what you eat is very important.

I'm not going to go into nutrition at this moment, but basically, try to avoid processed items, eat mostly vegetables, meat, and whole grains. Eat a variety of foods. This is something I'm working on this month, I tend to eat the foods that make me feel good (which is a great thing to do), but then I tend to only eat them and not a variety of other foods that might possibly make me feel good too but I just don't know about it yet. I've also gotten to the point where most of the time I eat I'm doing so just to eat, not for the taste of the food but because I need to eat. I still do like eating, but sometimes I get a little bored with it and it should be more enjoyable.

I love Thai Curry, it's something I eat because it tastes good. So, I learned how to make traditional Thai food at home. Instead of going to the store and picking up pre-made curry paste, we picked up the seeds needed to make the curry powder, added ginger and garlic and made a lovely curry paste. Because we were making it at home I could add as much or as little (as little in my case) of the chilies, making it the perfect level of spiciness for my taste. Making the curry was much more involved than this, making it a wonderful first chakra task, breaking up the process into it's elemental pieces from the beginning (opposed to getting a plate of food at a restaurant or using pre-made curry sauce, powder, or paste).
My favorite website for recipes is www.epicurious.com, and of course some of the gluten-free cooking websites that are out there.

It's also a good idea to make sure you're eating enough calories during the day. Sometimes when I get really busy I forget to make time to eat & I'll just eat a number of little snacks through the day to get me through. It's important to make sure you give yourself enough calories or your body will go into starvation mode and not be able to give you the energy you need to function, not to mention it'll start storing whatever food you do eat as fat and reserve it because it thinks you are starving (then it goes about eating your muscle tissue for energy). Also, if you're not eating enough protein you may not have enough energy. This website is great for letting you know if you're eating enough calories and what percentage of your calories are coming from proteins, carbs, and fats. I discovered a lot about my eating habits when I actually kept track of them for a short time.

Grounding Foods for your First Chakra

Meat
Protein
Root Vegetables
Nuts
Whole Grains
Herbal Teas such as Pau d' Arco, Rooibos, Hibiscus, Raspberry Leaf, Uva Ursi

Many Yogis are vegetarians, this is the traditional yogi diet. Meat grounds you and "weighs you down," therefore if you practice yoga on a regular basis (way more than me), you may want to limit your intake of very grounding foods in order to send your energy to other chakras in your body. However, if you are a yogi, practicing yoga on a strict regular basis, you also have an extremely grounded first chakra, meditation routine, and sense of presence, so that you can focus on other chakras now. You're still doing grounding things, such as mediation and yoga, you just don't need food to be part of your grounding routine. I personally am not to this point yet, and I really love my grounding foods, also the other activities I'm currently doing (like weight training, climbing, etc.) require me to have a higher protein intake than I would if I wasn't doing these activities. Always adjust your food intake to what your personal needs are.

Exercise- everyone should do this. The key to good exercise is to do a variety of things. First off you don't want to get bored with the exercise you're doing, and also if you only do one type of exercise you just become good at that one thing. Your body gets used to the movements you make to perform that activity and then your muscles just aren't challenged anymore-they stop growing. There are tons of bikers in Portland, lots of them bike to work everyday, however, some of them still aren't in great shape because they don't do anything else, they haven't become physically fit, they've just become awesome bikers. (This is something I'm working on at the moment as well, I do like to do the same things when I exercise, but I'm changing them up more and more now.)

Listen to your body-eat when you're hungry, rest when you're tired, don't try and do an insane amount of massages when your hands start to hurt.

Get enough sleep, sleeping is when your body repairs itself. I would go into this more, but right now I need to sleep...listen to your body...

The greatest first chakra exercise EVER!

2008-08-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

What better way to be present, fully in your body, in the moment, in nature, not being able to think of anything else but survival, than to really question your probability of survival & have the out look be far less than you prefer?

This is something that I don't suggest anyone does and I hope never happens to me again, but it sure does make you think a lot differently about life.

"Possibly the most difficult day hike in all of Oregon," according to William Sullivan (dude that writes my favorite hiking trail guide books for Oregon), sounds like a great idea.

Justin and I met up at Hell's Canyon, to take a six mile hike down to the Snake River, camp, and then come back the next day. We had a GPS unit, compass, trail guide book, dinner for the night, some snacks, about six liters of water, a water filter, and some camping gear between the two of us. We started at a look out tower, marking the trail head at about 6900 feet above sea level, and began to make our way down towards the Snake River, about 1600 feet above sea level.

Everything was really great in the beginning, tons of wildflowers to look at, mountains in the distance, differing terrain, the gorge was beautiful, it looked like we were standing in a picture out of a coffee table book or a fairy tale movie.The path then came to a huge grassy field, which was a little overgrown, but still visible (as you can see in the picture). However, soon the path disappeared, then we'd find another path in the distance, follow that for a little while, then it would disappear, we'd find another, follow it, only for it to disappear as well, and so on. We knew were were headed towards the river and according to the guidebook we were headed towards a path that would take us there. We then found what we thought was that path and hiked along it, getting closer and closer to the river. Then it started to get dark and we were running out of water, since the paths kept disappearing we wouldn't be able to find our way with just the head lamps. So, since the book showed a path along the river, we didn't have much of a choice but to make our own path down to the water before it got too dark for us to see at all.

We slid down a rock bed, full of dirt, poison oak, and little baby cactus's towards the river. As we were coming down the rocks would slip out under our feet and there were multiple times we both caught ourselves from a fall by planting our hand down on a cactus, which wasn't very fun.

We made it to the trail by the river in the dark and were able to get more water for the night. Unfortunately, we lost the water filter on the way down to the water and had no choice but to drink the water out of the Snake River to avoid dehydration. We pitched our tent on the path and were lucky to have enough flat ground there to barely do so, we couldn't make a fire with what we could find around us and couldn't eat the chicken we brought for dinner, so we started on our snacks. At least we had a little water and found a path that we hoped would take us home in the morning, we couldn't go back the way we came.

When we got up in the morning we weren't throwing up from the river water, which was great because it meant we wouldn't get even more dehydrated than we already were, and we found our water filter in the day light. We started following the trail, which lead us to an awesome sign that said "Hat Point 6 miles this way" (Hat Point is where we left the car). So we followed the trail until it too disappeared into a dried up river bed full of over grown blackberry bushes and poison oak.

We had no choice but to bushwhack through the blackberry bushes with all their thorns, some of which were well over waist high. We only found parts of the path, then would lose it, then get excited about finding a small part of it again, only to lose it shortly after. We knew we had to gain some elevation and somehow found a path that was going up a grassy mountain in the beating hot sun. Both of us were getting delirious from the sun and we were almost completely out of water again, I had stopped sweating, which is a warning sign of heat stroke. I remember being really dizzy and thinking "wow, if I just lay down right here it won't be that bad, I'll just pass out and won't wake up, but at least it won't hurt that much, and I can lay down."

Somehow we heard a little trickle of water in the distance and went towards it to find a very small stream. That stream saved our lives, if we hadn't found it it's possible we still would have lived, however, heat stroke and dehydration kills people who aren't exercising in some circumstances, and we had miles and thousands of feet in elevation left to go, without knowing if the path we found would end up at our car or if it would continue for more than a few more feet.

We pitched the tent's rain fly to create shade, put our feet in the stream (would have been our whole bodies if it were big enough), filtered some water, drank, and rested for a few hours. As soon as we could we started back up on the path, which ended up taking us up 3000 feet in elevation and to a place where we could camp for our second night. Our spirits were a little higher because this path was the best formed path we'd found the whole trip and it was going in the direction of the car according to the GPS. I slept a little out of exhaustion this night (opposed to the previous night, when I couldn't sleep at all), but it was still a pretty sleepless night.

The next morning we got up as soon as the sun was up and kept following the path. It then broke into two paths, both heading in the opposite direction from the car. We finally came to the conclusion that there was no other option but to get off the trail and bushwhack in the direction of the car before going any further in the wrong direction. According to the GPS the car was 1.5 miles North. However, this measurement was "as the crow flies" and we still had elevation to gain, mountains in the way, and rock faces at the tops of the mountains not knowing if it would be possible to get over or around them. Our trail guide book had GPS coordinates for the path going back up to our car, so we tried following those for a little while, just so we would be sure to be able to move forward, however, the GPS points in the book were proven to be wrong earlier in the trip. (The picture to your right of the rock face was not taken at Hell's Canyon, however it does look the most like the rock faces there out of all the pictures I found.)

We decided to head straight for the car and that we would figure out what to do when we came across it. We ended up practically crawling up the side of a mountain, grabbing onto rocks that would fall out from underneath us, and the roots of wild flowers and poison oak clinging to the side of the mountain before they too broke off from underneath us. When we got to the top of the first mountain we had to climb, we ended up climbing up some of the rock face, which was extremely dangerous, the rocks that we were climbing were breaking as we climbed them. I don't know how we managed not to break something or at least twist our ankles. It would have made it impossible if we did and one of us would have to leave the other to try and go get help. At the top of this mountain we also noticed that the compass wasn't reading correctly, it would point North or South towards the sun, which was rising, and definitely East. The compass on the GPS also seemed wrong and didn't match the one on the handheld compass at times. (According to some theories there are magnetic vortexes in Oregon, and a number of other places on Earth. This is where the Earth's magnetic field is somehow effected and mechanical devises that show direction don't work properly in them. I have not done research on this, so I don't know how I feel about it and whether I believe that this might have been a possibility or if these items were just broken at the time we were looking at them.) At this point we weren't even sure we were going in the right direction, but we had no choice but to trust the coordinates of the car on the GPS system and keep moving.
We left the path in the middle of these mountains, this is a picture from when we were only about 600 yards away from the car. 600 yards took a really really long time to climb up. The canyon was really messing with our depth and distance perception. Some things that were miles away would seem so close, and then others that we thought we just moved away from looked so far away.

Luckily, there were no rock faces we couldn't handle and after most of the day of climbing we finally saw the most beautiful sight in the entire world: the look out tower that marked the location of our car!We got to the car almost in disbelief, almost unable to move, then we started feeling the pain our bodies were in. It took me from Thursday, when we actually reached the car, until late Saturday night for my body to realize I wasn't still in Hell's Canyon. I had that much adrenaline pumping, and I wasn't able to really get good sleep until Sunday night. It also took until Sunday night for me to not feel like I was starving, due to the fact that my body wanted to signal me to keep eating just in case I decided to starve it and do extreme exercise again. I lost about seven pounds in those three days. Needless to say, I'm just now starting to feel normal and able to think clearly, but the most important thing is that I'm alive, & that's awesome.

A couple of things about this experience:

This is the only time I've really, realistically feared losing my life.
There were a couple of times I started to cry, but couldn't because I as too dehydrated and exhausted to do so.
I totally came to terms with dying, I was ok with it. I ran it through my head and felt ok with it with every fiber of my being. That was a really really weird sensation.
I have a new appreciation of life and my body. I was noticing the sound of the wind, the way the plants looked, etc., and thinking "wow, I need to appreciate this now because I won't be able to appreciate this ever again." Then I was just appreciating it and not thinking anything at all, just hearing it, seeing it, smelling it, feeling it.- Very in the moment...
I prayed more than I ever had in a span of a few days - and it worked- I don't think we would have heard that water without it.
I learned to communicate in an extremely difficult, very possibly life threatening situation. Communication is really important in this case and had Justin and I not done this so well, there would have been less of a chance that we would have ever found the car or lived.
I now know how I would act in an extremely dangerous situation, and knowing that makes me feel closer to myself, and I really appreciate how I went about doing that.
I'm glad I'm alive.

Being here now

2008-08-09T22:09:00.000-07:00

Practicing being present helps to ground you. It also helps you appreciate every moment you have and notice the beauty there is in each one. Being present gets you to notice things you've never noticed before because you were thinking of something else and it really, actually, as cheesy as it sounds gets you to really love and appreciate your life. This is true, I've felt like this at times before, and the more present I am the more often I find myself just laughing for no reason because I'm happy to be here, driving along and thinking "wow, life is freakin awesome," and being so overwhelmed with a feeling of joy that I can't wipe a smile off my face (which sometimes freaks people out). (It also freaks people out when you explain why you're so happy and there's no tangible reason for it, you're just overjoyed and then they think you're crazy, which I think is really sad, but that's a different topic).

I need to be more present, mainly because I've felt what it feels like to be present and it's incredible. One of the best ways to become more present is to meditate & to make a regular practice of it. If you haven't meditated before (or even if you have) it may seem hard to find the time to do so. It doesn't have to be very complicated at all. Meditation is simply clearing your mind of thoughts and being present for a few moments.

Often times people go into a meditative state without even knowing it. I often go into walking meditation while hiking, many people do it when they're exercising (running for a long time, swimming, etc.), doing Tai Chi, and when they're doing something they're passionate about, like painting or playing music. It's simply being totally emerged in the present moment, without thought (because thought can only be thoughts of the past or the future, not that exact millisecond you're acting in). This type of meditative state is sometimes hard to reach on a daily basis, so I suggest (and am working on), a daily meditation practice.

To be sure that I meditate daily, it's better for me to have a set time and a set place to keep me on track. I've found that meditating right before I go to bed is difficult for me because I often start to dose off, in which case it's better to just listen to your body and go to bed, you can't be present while you're sleeping, meditation is relaxing, however it's a very active activity, it takes a lot of concentration to stay present. Others may find it beneficial to meditate before bed if they have sleeping problems, as one of the end results is that it's very relaxing and alters your brain waves to a slower frequency closer to sleep. I prefer to mediate in the morning, it does have this relaxing effect on me, but in addition it also wakes me up and and helps me approach the day differently than I would have without it. It helps me think through things in a very organized manner and approach situations with presence, it benefits how I function in general.

To start a mediation practice:

Pick a time of day that works for you
Pick a place (I use my mediation bench in the corner of my room.)--Find a place where you can sit comfortably, this could be cross legged, kneeling, or in a firm chair. When you're sitting, it's important that your spine is straight. To do this, make sure you're sitting on your sit bones (at the bottom of your pelvis) and push them into the ground/chair. It's beneficial to have something under your sit bones as well, like a pillow or cushion so that your pelvis tilts forward a bit, this will cause a slight arch in your lower back and help you keep your spine straight. Then tuck your chin slightly & raise the crown of your head towards the sky (sometimes it helps to picture a string attached to the top of your head pulling your spine straight). Roll your shoulders back and down & lift your chest up slightly. Here are some pictures. Once your spine is straight, relax all your muscles so they feel like they're just hanging off your bones.
Plan on sitting just a few minutes to start. Set a timer and in a few days increase your minutes. Always try to sit for the time you allotted and make sure you stop when the timer goes off. (I started with 2 minutes, then 5, then 10, 15, 20, 30, and now it's 20-which I feel is a good amount of time for me, even 5 minutes of meditation per day gives you results).
Start by focusing on your breath, no need to change it, just observe it.
Notice how your body feels, just observe with no judgements or changes needed.
Come back to your breath, breath through your nose, focus on your inhales and exhales. (You can try counting your breaths to help with the focus, or counting the time it takes you to inhale and exhale, if you're counting the length of your breaths, try and make your exhales a little longer than your inhales.)
If any thoughts come up, just observe them, acknowledge them, but don't try and solve them or focus on them, just watch them like you're watching clouds go by, and let them go by coming back to your breath.
Sitting still is difficult at first, but it gets easier with time & then it gets joyous, don't be discouraged if it seems like it's taking awhile for you to get the hang out it, it comes with practice and everyday is different, you're always dealing with different things/emotions in your life, sometimes it may be harder than others.

It's important that you find the right mediation practice for you. If focusing on your breath doesn't work, focusing on a mantra or an affirmation, focusing on an object (like mandala, candle, waterfall, etc.), focusing on presence, focusing on nothingness, focusing on a chakra, etc. might work better. Some people also prefer not to do sitting mediation at all and only choose to meditate while doing an activity. I personally think that even if you do have a practice of meditating while doing an activity you will benefit from sitting meditation as well. Sitting meditation gives you stillness and disciplines the mind in a way that moving meditation does not.

Now comes the beginning of the fun stuff...

2008-08-07T21:25:00.000-07:00

As far as my body goes:

Do I like it? Sometimes it's ok. There are some parts of it that I like, like the dot in between my eyes & my eyes & my feet (except for right now when they're all dry). I like the fact that I'm able to do lots of things with it that some people can't do. There are parts of it that I hate, like my stomach and my chest. I don't like the fact that my hips are so tight that it's hard to sit in a cross-legged position for longer than a few moments without being in a lot of pain.

I used to have an eating disorder, not a major eating disorder like anorexia or bulimia, and not the type that people typically think of when they think of an eating disorder. Basically, an eating disorder is an obsession with food that negatively effects a person's health and functioning, physically or mentally.

I've had that since sometime in college (I think it was college, Jin if you remember when it was then you should let me know), and I'm pretty much over it now, just sometimes somethings set it off and I catch myself thinking certain things and have to be really careful not to fall into the things I used to do back then. Which I'm glad to say I'm pretty good at now, but none the less, it's still there way far back in the back of my mind somewhere, & totally in my root chakra.

It's interesting because I'm sure that two of my cousins have the same tendencies as I did/do with it and I later found out that my Grandmother on that side used to and I've noticed things that my mom says at times which lean towards her feeling that way sometimes too. They do say part of it's genetic, but I also think it has a lot to do with the way you're brought up (like when your mom tells you all the time you need to lose 15 pounds because she wants you to go to the gym with her and when your dad calls you up in and says "so, are you getting fat out there or are you staying skinny?")

Anyways, the type of eating disorder that I have (it's really hard for me to say "have" now because I want to write "had" since I do feel that I had it opposed to having it now, but since it still effects me I'm going to write "have" because it's something I've been working on), is excessive exercising and limiting my diet & trying tons of different things to fix the parts of my body that I'm not fond of. There's no total starvation or purging, just exercise. Things that are scary about it:

I scared Jin once in the grocery store over some peanut butter chips.
I scared Jason a lot, to the point where he told me a year after we broke up that when we lived together he always thought about telling me to eat different things and exercise less but he was too scared to tell me.
I'm really great at convincing myself that it's healthy. (There's a fine line between a cleanse and doing something to lose weight, I'm pretty sure I know the difference, and there have been times in the past when it was definitely not used to cleanse, however, the more recent cleanses I've done have been really beneficial as far as health goes (like getting rid of precancerous cervical cells and getting off my prescription medications) so they wouldn't fall into this category, however I do know that I have to really look into what I'm doing and how I'm doing it as far as cleanses go to make sure my intentions are good).
I totally messed up my metabolism and blood sugar so now I'm going about fixing those since I got to Portland (and it sucks).

Psychologically eating disorders are about control, many people who develop them sense a lack of control in their lives and use eating as one of the few (or only) things they can control. They also have to do with society's influence/the media and sometimes have to do with a traumatic incident. For me I think it might have had a little to do with control and a little to do with society, but like I said earlier, my case is an extremely mild case in comparison to those you think about when you think "eating disorder".

Your first chakra is how you relate to your body and your environment, how you move and control what's around you, how you manifest things. Living in the culture that we live in there are certain expectations about how your body should be, which sometimes effects the way you look at yourself and the functioning of your first chakra.

I do feel like I do a really good job of listening to my body now. The anti-inflammatory diet helped me a lot with that (and then re-introducing foods into my diet and seeing how my body felt eating them). I can now tell the difference in my body when I eat eggs, chicken, broccoli, fish, or yogurt, etc., which I think is pretty awesome. So now I eat what makes me feel good. I listen to my body when I need to sleep, eat, etc. Yoga is also really good for listening to your body, feeling like you're in your body, feeling changes in your body both physically and emotionally, and feeling the energy system of your body.

Overall, as far as the "body" part of my first chakra is concerned, I think I'm doing a good job with diet, exercise, and overall health. I do need to keep an eye on the whole eating disorder thing, and I need to accept that there are some things about my body that just aren't going to change, and others that are ok as they are, but could be improved over a long healthy period of time. I should also work on adding more variety to the foods that I eat, and making food to eat just for the sake of enjoying it, not just eating because I need to in order to function. I don't always feel like I'm in my body (I'm often bumping into things & I often go off daydreaming while driving or carrying out everyday tasks), so being more present would be a good thing.

Figuring out what's already there

2008-08-05T22:19:00.000-07:00

The first part of chakra balancing is figuring out what your chakra's current state is and what beliefs/strengths/issues are in there. These things collectively determine how you will most likely respond to a situation and how you go about living your life. If you believe the community you live in is dangerous, you will most likely not go out at night alone very often (or be stressed out when you do). If you believe it's important to financially prepare for the future, you will most likely start contributing to a 401k or some sort of savings plan (or be stressed out if you don't). If you don't trust the medical system in the US, then you most likely won't go to a doctor if you get sick (or might be forced to go by your loved ones, hate it, and then not follow the doctor's orders).

There are an unlimited number of questions you can ask yourself about your first chakra, I'm just going to list a few of them & then I'll see where I go from there in the next couple of weeks. (As I started studying my first chakra I realized that I really need 2 or 3 months to balance it out, then I thought about extending it for a moment and realized I really need more like a year, or a couple of years or a lifetime, so I'm going to stick with a month per chakra and then just keep working on the things that I discover I need to work on through the following chakras, which is really probably the only way to make some real changes.)

A few of these questions are from the books I've been reading about chakras, most of the questions are mine, but I just wanted to clarify that I didn't come up with all of them:

It's fitting to start with your body because it's what you have to work with here from the time you're born.

Do you like your body?
Do you feel like you're fully "in your body" or are you often daydreaming or thinking about other things when people are talking to you?
How well do you relate to your body?
Do you listen to your body when it tells you to eat/rest/etc.?
How's your diet, exercise, overall health?

How you live is definitely a huge part of your first chakra.

Are you organized/detail oriented?
How is clean is your home/car/work space?
Do you surround yourself with aesthetically pleasing things?
Do you like your house, your room?
How do you feel about your neighborhood, city, state, country?
How do you feel about being alive?
How do you feel about being alive this century into the culture you were born into?
How do you feel about what's going on in your country?
Do you feel like you have a strong base/structure for yourself?
Do other people's moods effect your mood?
Do you still feel like you have a strong base when you're under stress?
Do you feel present?
Do you spend time outdoors, go to natural places?
Do you take vacations?
How do you feel about local environmental issues?

Work is where most people spend most of their time.

How do you relate to your livelihood?
Does your work provide a good foundation for you?
What's your job satisfaction?
Do you like your work environment (everything from the physical location/workspace/coworkers/etc)?
How are you with managing cash flow?
How are you with getting things done you're trying to accomplish on a day to day basis?

The beliefs that you're raised with when you're born also play a major part in your first chakra.

Do you have any superstitions?
What are some of the beliefs that you were culturally born into? (examples: You must be married by the time you're 30. You must go to college. You're no longer attractive after you reach the age of 40. Women should be good at cooking. Boys aren't supposed to cry. etc.)

(Indian Paintbrush is by far my favorite Oregon wildflower I've come across so far, these pictures don't do it justice at all, but it's kinda cool to see how they look when there's a lot of them-they're actually usually as bright as the single stem above, this one picture makes them look a little pink, but they're definitely much more red in real life, this picture is just the one that looks the most like the areas around here.)

The fine art of brewing

2008-08-03T22:57:00.000-07:00

Today Rob and I brewed Black Widow Porter, a robust porter, which is a roasty, complex, rich ale according to the recipe book. It should have a fair amount of roasty character, full of coffee and chocolate. It tasted sweet & kinda good after we were almost done & so I think it'll turn out rather nicely- horray for good dark beer!

I'd like to say that brewing the beer today was part of my first chakra exercises, since brewing beer takes a long time and an unbelievable amount of patience, we were outside most of the day, we were cooking, we were discovering what makes this drink that he drinks so often and I drink occasionally, we were using whatever local ingredients we could (this is me and one of our hop plants, which we didn't use in this beer, but soon we be using our own hops when they actually start producing hops), and we were partaking in a very large part of Portland culture. So it was good for my chakra, however, we both just kinda wanted some beer.

Preparation is the key to good brewing:
If you don't lay out all your ingredients ahead of time, you may forget an important ingredient along the way (like malt when you're making espresso stout). Everything is measured out precisely and timed to be added to the beer mixture at a certain time at a certain temperature, some ingredients also only stay in the mixture for a certain amount of time, so timing is everything. (Sanitizing everything is also a key part of brewing, if your beer stuff isn't sanitized it's possible that something crazy might grow in the beer while it's brewing, and that would suck. I will not bore you with the details of the cleaning).

Brewing beer is a lot like watching water boil. In fact it is watching water boil, and then watching water boil with a couple of ingredients in it, and then watching it boil some more. Sometimes you look at the temperature gauge while you're watching it boil, which is exciting. This is a picture of what it looks like most of the time- LOOK! The water is starting to boil!

After the water began to boil, we added the grains, which steeped like tea for 15 minutes before we removed them. Then we had to add the liquid malt...

...and the dry malt, and some hops (but not all of the hops, the hops have to be added in a different times for different reasons, the hops you add early on are for flavor, then you can add some later in the boil to add a different flavor, then there's the hops you add at the very very end for just one minute, which is just for the hoppy aroma, and of course if you want to make a gross hoppy ipa you can add many many more hops than I would ever like to add).

The hops measuring picture did not come out here because I can't figure out how to rotate it on the screen, but if you click on the link you can see what they look like.

Everything was going along so well, until the mixture suddenly started to boil over and put out the gas flame, causing a slight problem with the day's brew!

Luckily, there was only one burn injury, only a small amount of beer was lost, and Craig was nearby to help us dry out the gas burner so we could continue without the concoction loosing too much heat.

About an hour later we're almost ready to start to cool the beer, time to go hop fishing! (The hops are added to the beer mixture in little baggies, called socks, kind of like giant tea bags.)

Now it's time to cool the beer before transferring it. We will add yeast soon, which will die if they're added to something that's more that 80 degrees, we must keep the yeast happy because that's what makes our beer. You cool the beer by running cold water through this coil that we put into the mixture (don't worry, we watered the plants with the water we used to cool the beer).
Almost done! It's now time to transfer the beer:

Unfortunately, our specific gravity was too high, the alcohol content and taste will be way too strong:

Adding more water (after boiling it and making sure the temperature is cooled off enough) will solve the problem.

Now all we have to do is add the yeast and we are done for now!

With Clyde's supervision of course. Look how dark and yummy it looks!

Finally we move the beer down to the basement and cover it to protect it from sunlight. It will sit here for a couple of weeks while the little yeasties do their thing. We'll know it's done and ready to be bottled/kegged when the specific gravity is correct. We'll judge this by looking at the CO2 air bubbles coming out of the air stopper, by tomorrow
they'll be coming up about once per minute. We wait until one bubble is released every 90 seconds, if we bottle before then the bottles will explode.

The root of everything

2008-08-02T22:00:00.000-07:00

First Chakra-Muladhara (or Root) Chakra

Your first chakra is your basis for functioning and survival. Just like in Maslow's hierarchy of needs you're not going to be able think of anything but surviving if you're faced with problems like getting food, shelter, air, etc. Your first chakra has to do with presence-being here, now. You can definitely function with an out-of-balance root chakra, but it makes it a lot harder to deal with everyday life.

Your root chakra grounds you, which means it makes you present. It brings you into your body, establishes boundaries for you and your energy, and helps you maintain a separateness from other people's energy bodies. Grounding is basically saying "I am me, you are you, we are different people, this is what I'm doing now and I'm fully present while I'm doing it, what you are doing may effect me, but it doesn't disrupt my energy body."

Root Chakra Basics:
Sanskrit name- muladhara (root)
Location- base of spine/perineum
Anatomical Feature- bone marrow
Color- red
Number- four
Element- earth
Purpose- foundation, grounding, survival, stability
Issues- work, home, family, health, structure, nourishment, security
Examples of Physical Manifestations- immune disorders, depression, rectal tumors/cancer, varicose veins, sciatica, knee/ankle problems, problems with digestion, adrenal problems
Developmental Stage- womb to 12 months
Identity - physical & tribal(your family/cultural upbringing/beliefs)

A healthy chakra is balanced, it's not too receptive to outside influences, yet it's not so closed that it inhibits energy from flowing through. (Chakras are energy centers in your body that receive outside influences and also project energy outwards, they're filtering channels for your body to give and receive energy. All chakras strive to be balanced within themselves and also in relation to the other chakras in your body.)

Balanced Characteristics:

physical health
groundedness
being comfortable in your body
a sense of safety and security
stability
prosperity
right livelihood
ability to be still
gracefullness
presence in the here and now

Excessive Characteristics:

heaviness, sluggishness, slow movements
resistance to change
overeating, obesity
hoarding
greediness, material fixation
workaholism
excessive spending

Deficient Characteristics:

fear, anxiety
resistance to structure
anorexia
spaciness, flightiness, vagueness
disconnection from your body
restlessness, inability to be still
difficulty manifesting or getting anything done

If your chakra isn't balanced, you may develop excessive or deficient characteristics. It's also possible to have both excessive and deficient characteristics in the same chakra, pertaining to different parts of your life (this happens more often in upper chakras however).

Chakra Cleaning

2008-07-31T23:38:00.000-07:00

I've decided that it's about time for me to do an in-depth chakra study/cleaning/balancing for myself. I recently discovered that I really want to help people understand their chakras and what impact they have on their lives.

The human energy system is the root cause of many psychological, emotional, and even physical issues people are suffering from (or at least acting a certain way because of, even if they're not suffering). When someone is sick or emotionally not feeling well there's typically a cause for their discomfort and then also a symptom. Taking a pill to "fix" a person's headache that they have because they're stressed out is a temporary fix and only stops them from fixing what's really wrong. You can look at a person who has a headache and see that they're in pain, maybe they didn't sleep enough last night so they have a headache. Many people stop there and say "you need more sleep" and/or "take a pill", which then causes them to wake up the next day with another headache and it repeats. If you look at it psychologically, they didn't sleep because they were stressed. (They can now be prescribed an anti-depressant or sleeping pills). If you look deeper they're stressed because of work. If you look deeper they're stressed because of work because they don't get along with their boss. If you look at it energetically you find out that they don't get along with their boss because they have a hard time speaking up for themselves because they have a blockage in their energetic system there. Then you can go about addressing their issues with speaking up rather than putting them on sleeping pills or telling them to get a new job without learning to speak up where the same thing would probably end up happening. So basically, since the energetic system is what fuels you, looking at it is looking at the causes of the majority of your actions.

I definitely need to understand my chakras a lot better before I can talk to people about theirs. So I'm taking a chakra per month and working on it, starting at the first and moving up. (and you get to read about it-horray!!!!!!!!!!-this is mainly a great way to keep myself on task, because 7 months is a long time for a project)

gluten makes me feel funny...

2008-07-28T20:42:00.000-07:00

and apparently 73% of Americans feel that way too, although they might not even know it. I know that statistic sounds extremely high, however, a gluten sensitivity needs to be thought of as a spectrum. It's not something you have or don't have, but rather you're placed on a wide range of degrees of tolerance to it (one end of the spectrum is no sensitivity, then a wheat sensitivity, and on the other far end is an extreme sensitivity, such as Celiac Disease). The prevalence of Celiac Disease is much lower than wheat sensitivities (Data ranging for Celiac Disease is between one per every 100 people and one per every 250 people in America).

(I use the words "gluten sensitivity" for people with even a slight sensitivity to wheat in this blog and in everyday life, gluten and wheat to me are interchangeable, although there are differences in that gluten comes from wheat (and other wheat-like grains) and a person with a gluten allergy is always sensitive to wheat, however, someone with a wheat allergy may be able to eat other grains that contain gluten, or just the gluten which is extracted and added to other foods-I personally actually have a wheat sensitivity and can handle some gluten without any adverse effects).

When someone with a gluten sensitivity eats gluten, it causes an allergic response and their immune system starts to create antibodies to fight the food they just ate to nourish them. This causes inflammation, which then manifests into a number of possible symptoms:

gas/bloating
diarrhea
constipation
fatigue
depression
anxiety
nausea
lack of concentration
joint pains
mouth ulcers
infertility
hypoglycemia
dental enamel defects
numbness/tingling/swelling

Often, a person experiencing these symptoms will feel a little sick or uneasy and will eat something with gluten in it to alleviate their symptoms (crackers, bread, cookies, etc.), which then worsens the symptoms. Someone with a slight sensitivity may wake up every morning a little foggy headed, tired, depressed, etc. and have no idea that gluten is affecting them at all.

I am by no means saying that gluten is evil and everyone who is tired in the morning is really suffering from a food allergy despite the fact that they might have only gotten 4 hours of sleep the night before. My personal symptoms are foggy-headedness, slight anxiety, and an unsettling feeling of not being full (from not being able to fully absorb the nutrients from wheat products and my body being like "wait a minute, this isn't food I want to use-give me more!"). The only reason I know I have this reaction to gluten is because I went on a gluten-free diet for a few months (3 months was not necessary though, a week or two would have shown the results) and then reintroduced it into my diet. The way I felt without the gluten in my diet was incredible as far as energy, attention, feeling full, and happiness went. When I reintroduced wheat into my diet it was clear after a few servings that it caused some of these symptoms for me.

I must admit, I still do eat gluten at times (it tastes good), and I know that had I never discovered this about myself I would have been ok, just a little groggy and a little uncomfortable at times, which is manageable. However, it is much nicer to eat it sparingly & to feel a lot better most of the time.

i really want a baby goat

2008-07-27T00:09:00.000-07:00

I've wanted a baby goat for a really long time now...

I keep trying to convince Rob to let us have a baby goat, we have a lovely space in the back yard for a goat that's even fenced in from the people who lived here before him.

Reasons to have a baby goat:

-we wouldn't have to mow the lawn -ever (there's a lady up in Washington who has a goat lawn mowing business, she advertises as a green way to mow lawns for large businesses, all they have to do is fence in the area they want mowed, they call her up, she brings thirty hungry goats, lets them loose, and then they go about mowing (and fertilizing at the same time) away, apparently they only eat the bad stuff and leave the good stuff (weeds are tastier) and they do an excellent job of only chewing down to a certain ideal length of grass...this lady is actually making decent money with this business and isn't struggling at all, so they must do an exceptional job)

-goat milk and goat cheese are much easier for the human stomach to digest than cow milk and cheese, not to mention it would be local, all natural, loved and treated very humanely, and when the world starts to end in 2012, at least we'll have some good dairy to eat while everyone else is starving cause they only have their dogs...

-the cats need a new friend...they are indoor cats and do not get to see much excitement these days with both me and Rob being gone now during the day, most people do not think much about their cat's happiness when they're at work, but cats have feelings too

-They are so cute & I hear they like to cuddle

-They help with trash compacting and disposal, as well as fertilizer for the garden we're starting (and will need in 2012)

-I keep on hearing about people having pet goats, it's a repeated theme in the past few weeks. I believe I now have 3 regular clients who own pet goats at my massage place & I get to hear about how awesome they are all the time. Now when something keeps on popping up from random people in random places (there are more incidents involving goats than just my massage clients), then it's the universe telling you it's a good idea and you need to do it, period.

-Apparently (which I learned from my clients), they're super affectionate, very much like dogs, but better of course since they don't bark or pee on the floor when company comes over & they don't have to be running about in the park all the time like many large dogs do.

-If we get tight on money we can open a small petting zoo.

-Portland allows each household to own either one goat or three chickens without a special farming license. They wouldn't pass that law if they didn't think it was a good idea (and chickens aren't cuddly).

-Baby mountain goats are good climbers...
I like climbing, baby goats like climbing, wouldn't it be great to have a pet that could teach you how to do cool things? Then when I become a famous rock climber and the magazines and documentary producers are interviewing me, they can be like "now Daria, tell us about your mentor" and I'll be like "well, it's my pet baby mountain goat, would you like to see some pictures?"

I could go on and on all night, but it's late and I must go dream of my pet baby goat now.

i am a bad coworker & a bad girlfriend, an all-around horrible person

2008-07-22T21:14:00.000-07:00

i'm also bad at punctuation...

so i started this blog to entertain you jin, hopefully you're not too disappointed and it lasts more than a few posts...

I've started being more and more honest and blunt with my communications. This should be a good thing, however I found that when dealing with coworkers, they tend to appreciate the "no, I don't think I'll go with you to your bachelorette party tonight because I don't feel like it" way less than the "Sorry, I already have plans" response.

So now I feel that being honest has made them more unhappy with me than if I'd made up some crazy story about my friend bleeding in a bathtub and me having to go rescue her. This all kinda sucks, but I guess it goes to show that if they were people that I felt appreciated being genuine with their communications, then I wouldn't feel like such a horrible coworker.

I have nothing insightful to say.

I'm in a really weird mood, and I do actually feel like a terrible coworker/friend social person.

I guess that comes when you first move somewhere and you're used to always having to be social because you don't have any friends and you need to take every opportunity possible to meet people because only one out of every 100 people you communicate with you'll actually speak to again. Maybe less than that... either way, you can't miss opportunities for connections. Once you start feeling comfortable and like you don't have to continue running, you're kinda like "wow, I don't need to seek you people out and I'm going to do what I feel like doing"-and it feels awesome. Of course, it should have been like that from the begining I suppose, had I felt comfortable being alone in Portland and just waiting to meet people, that doesn't usually work out too too well though.

This is all great and dandy, so now I'm just in a "wow, I'm going to do what I want and be totally honest with all of you (which is how it should be anyway)" state, but from the looks and the energy I got from these people I feel like all would be a lot better had I lied about the whole thing...bleh...

So then I was in a super communicating openly mode & was really cool and told my boyfriend exactly what I needed him to do and was super prying and then asked him what he wanted by giving him options and then told him that the only one that worked was the one he didn't pick. So now I'm just being a stupid stupid girl. I guess we all act like this sometimes, but it's no excuse & I hate it when I act like that. Now I just want to call him and say "sorry for being a stupid girl" but I think that'll be even stupider, so I'll wait for tomorrow.

Anyways, I'm a bad coworker/girlfriend/person and you all should be glad you don't work with me and you're not dating me, unless you do work with me or you are dating me, in which case this probably wasn't the best thing for you to read.